So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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