drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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