Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize