did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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