Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
