Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
