Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
