the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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