I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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