one two three fourrrrnication!
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
