Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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