TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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