once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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