Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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