What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
