I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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