That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
