Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
