I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
