And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
This is my gift to your gina
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
