I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We got so high we made milksteak
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
