I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Randomize
