Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
