I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
