It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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