Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
