Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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