Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
True college students do jello shots in the library
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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