Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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