So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
