Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
