We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
