Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
