We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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