My brain says no but my pants say off.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
