Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize