when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
my shit smells like andre
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
