I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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