Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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