my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
