did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize