Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize