i love accidental penises.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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