capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
