Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The Olympian is in my bed
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
