final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You ate ashes out of my bong
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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