we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
