I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
