I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
