Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
