i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
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