I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
