the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
