Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
