it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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