Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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