that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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