420 ftw
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
