69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
