guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
