Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
