At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
