i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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