Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
