the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
